Here I am. A college graduate. My last semester I finished with all A’s, even though it was probably one of the toughest and most work intensive semesters I’ve ever had. Now I am settling into my new life; writing again, Nannying part time for a sweet family and possibly picking up two other little jobs on the side. The Lord has been so faithful to me in the last month.
I started applying for jobs before I had even finished finals, I didn’t hear back from anyone. I was praying, trusting the Lord that he would help me to get whatever job I was supposed to get. I asked a gal from Church to be one of my references, and within the day I had my first interview scheduled. BOOM.
The weeks I had spent stressing about finding a job before Willy started class were all so in vain. I had found something. It wasn’t quite what I needed it to be though, we were still going to be a bit short on cash. But I had two days left open in my schedule. One day, while checking my Facebook, I just happened to click “View All Messages” which took me to a page where I saw my “Other” messages; (i.e. messages that WEREN’T in my Inbox). I was shocked to see a job offer, for a one day a week position, that had been sitting idle in this message box for two weeks! I thought for sure I was too late, but I sent an email anyway. The position was still available, their schedule seemed to work with mine. Second interview scheduled. BOOM. The thing is, if I had seen the message when it came in two weeks earlier, I might have said no, because that alone would not have been enough hours for me. But I saw it after I had already secured the other part time job, and so, in that moment, it was exactly what I was looking for.
As if that wasn’t enough, God did something else. The gal at church that got me connected with my first job, offered me a small position in the Children’s ministry as a Floor Supervisor. I didn’t even realize that the position was paid, let alone that I would have what they were looking for. BOOM.
Opportunities have opened up right and left; the Lord has been so incredibly faithful to me. And I have been grateful. But Pride can creep in quickly. Soon I start thinking about all MY amazing qualities that have caused me to receive such favorable prospects. I start counting my good merits; congratulating myself on a job well done. And with that comes entitled feelings. I feel entitled to this or that from my husband. I expect, I DEMAND service. I compare my “great qualities” to the not so great qualities of others to keep my Pride boosted. It gets ugly fast.
I have been praying this last week that the Lord would teach me to be Humble. I know that a Humble person is the kind of person that others enjoy spending time around; the kind of person that truly reflects Christ’s love to others. I know that I can only be the beautiful person that I want to be when I have a right understanding of myself, of God, and most importantly, of my position before God. He has been faithful to humble me this week; through words spoken in love from my husband, to my own awareness of my recent “entitled” attitude.
I am not great. I am not beautiful. I am not a good wife, a good friend or a good nanny. There is nothing inherent in me that makes me desirable for any job or for any relationship. The only good thing in me is Jesus.
Everything that I am that is good is of Him. Everything that I have that is good is from Him. He has been faithful to me, because of his own loving kindness. I want to be the way that St. Augustine describes creation, ”All things proclaim Him, all things speak. Their beauty is the voice by which they announce God, by which they sing, ‘It is you who made me beautiful, not me myself but you.’”
If I know what I am; a Sinner Saved by Grace—and then what He is; A Divine Creator, a madman so in Love that He will stop at nothing to restore His Creation to Himself. A God who beautifies and glorifies His Creation for Himself—-then I come to a place where Humility is safe. Humility is beautiful, because God is faithful regardless of what I do. Regardless of how I blow it. Regardless of who I give the credit to in the end, He is faithful. And He will also be faithful to humble me when I ask. You can’t lose your beauty when it is given to you; only when you think you are creating it yourself does the illusion of beauty eventually shatter. So putting me in my right place is the most loving thing that He could do. I am a Beloved Creation—Beautiful because He makes me so.